Indian Matchmaking has Retro Appeal

Streaming on Netflix

I hate most streaming reality shows about dating because they’re usually about gorgeous young people having a lot of sex.  It’s depressing.  I was never gorgeous and I can’t remember the last time I had sex.  

 Where are the shows about old people having a lot of sex? And getting married.  Or at least trying to?  Where is that show?

The antidote is Indian Matchmaking.  It is about young people, yes, but there’s no sex.   And, in the end, no marriage.  (None of the couples actually wound up getting married) But there are lots of gorgeous saris, great jewelry, and relatable family drama.  The outrageously pushy Indian parents on the show reminded me of the Jewish parents of my youth.   

This fun show--which is strangely addictive—features Sima Taparia,  a late sixtyish Indian matchmaker who flies all over the world to find the perfect match for her young and youngish Indian clients.  They all want to make their parents happy by marrying an Indian guy or girl from whatever province their parents hail from before it’s too late.    The viewer feels for poor Sima who doggedly keeps searching for matches for impossible-to-please clients.

 An Indian online commentator was outraged because it was so sexist.  She complained that it displayed the sexism in Indian society where the men all got to demand young, slim, light skinned pretty women while the women had to be content with fat old guys. 

The commentator must have only watched one episode.  In reality both sexes were so fussy and demanding that hardly anyone measured up.  Despite this, I was happy to see that some of the women were plumper and plainer than you’d ever see on an American matchmaking show.     Both sexes wanted smart and successful and tall.   No short slackers need apply.

 The show made it look like some matches were made in heaven, but even the rich, gorgeous couple who seemed to be in love and had even set a date and booked a hall, failed to follow through.  The “boy” (they’re all “girls” and “boys” on Indian Matchmaking) broke it off because he had the maturity of a 12-year-old and was more interested in rebelling against his guilt-pushing mom than getting married.   I may not be an astrologer or face-reader (the matchmaker used both to make sure the stars were aligned for these couples) but I see a boy not a girl in his future.

Indian Matchmaker demonstrates the opposite of its premise-- that arranged marriages can work for the younger generation.  Actually they are a fantasy even for Indians who grew up with parents who met that way.  No matter how much they want to please their parents, these singles  are not going to lower their standards.  If their date does not meet their demanding criteria, he or she is crossed off their list.  The whole idea of an arranged marriage is to learn to love whoever has been chosen for you.  The Indian parents are seen talking about how much they still love each other after 40 years even though they’d barely met when they married, which proves only that marriage is a crapshoot no matter how you find your mate.  

Indian Matchmaking explains more about upper class Indian culture than about matchmaking, which is probably why it’s so popular.  Want to know why there are so many Indian doctors, engineers, computer whizzes, rich businessmen?  Watch Indian Matchmaking.  Indians are both exotic and familiar.   Just like the Jewish parents of my era, Indian parents are pushy and demanding.  They revere education and financial success.  They’re clannish.  Marry an Indian or face massive disapproval and possible expulsion from the tribe. 

The show explained to me the failure of a blind date I once had after an online flirtation with an Indian guy.  I was 60 and recently separated.  He looked very handsome in his photo and we were sexting like crazy.  I was looking forward to an amorous encounter, but was warned by a Jewish guy I’d dated who grew up in India, that Indian men are extremely fussy.  This was his way of warning me that I was too old—and probably too fat-- for this guy.  Sure enough when we met he took one look at me and made his disdain clear.

Maybe Indians have to be forced into marriage to bother with it at all.   I have no idea if this is true, but hope the next season of Indian Matchmaking will enlighten me.   I’ll definitely tune in.     Will you? 

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