First of all, great piece, with just the right amount of snark. But just in case you are actually serious, since you are asking for advice....that is my suggestion #1, wait until someone actually asks for advice. I still have trouble understanding that when someone is complaining to me they are not asking for me to fix the problem, and what they primarily wanted was for me to listen and say something neutral and sympathetic. Of course, like you, I hate when people offer advice when I complain, but I love the sound of my own advice. Then there are the people who actually ask for advice, and my #2 suggestion is to say, "I don't know what would be best for you, but when I have been in a similar situation, this is what I did...or would do." Then suggestion #3, I try really, really hard to let go of any expectation that my advice will be followed, which means I don't get to say I told you so when they fail to follow my excellent guidance!
I so look forward to reading what you have to say, Erica. Of course I am safely beyond the reach of your personal advice. What does happen when someone gives advice that turns out to be wrong is that the advisee turns away from the advisor naturally, so don't take it personally. It's probably an important part of our evolutionary process. I have friends who give free advice (you get what you pay for), and are often wrong. Now that I know that, I do what you do, that is say, "Oh, thanks, I'll get that/do that," then I do whatever I want. That also is part of the process, we learn to like the person and step aside from the direction of their advice. Another friend advised me to learn to do what he did, that is he also said "Yes, yes," then did whatever he wanted. In the context of an organization that can be an infuriating tactic. I try not to give much advice, having learned the hard way that no one wants it, and no one is going to pay much attention to what an older woman thinks anyway. And I can see for myself that my advice, or my concepts, are not that relevant to people. However, if someone said, "What do you think?" I'm sure I'd have something to say. I'd just have to say it fast enough to get it out there before they interrupted me or walked away.
Oops us - hate spell check. It not only gives advice but dumps it’s grammar beliefs on us.
First of all, great piece, with just the right amount of snark. But just in case you are actually serious, since you are asking for advice....that is my suggestion #1, wait until someone actually asks for advice. I still have trouble understanding that when someone is complaining to me they are not asking for me to fix the problem, and what they primarily wanted was for me to listen and say something neutral and sympathetic. Of course, like you, I hate when people offer advice when I complain, but I love the sound of my own advice. Then there are the people who actually ask for advice, and my #2 suggestion is to say, "I don't know what would be best for you, but when I have been in a similar situation, this is what I did...or would do." Then suggestion #3, I try really, really hard to let go of any expectation that my advice will be followed, which means I don't get to say I told you so when they fail to follow my excellent guidance!
Wonderful Erica. Great column and thank you for shedding light on U.S. compulsive advice givers. Love this.
you're a fabulous writer! very evocative.
Very funny, as always.
I so look forward to reading what you have to say, Erica. Of course I am safely beyond the reach of your personal advice. What does happen when someone gives advice that turns out to be wrong is that the advisee turns away from the advisor naturally, so don't take it personally. It's probably an important part of our evolutionary process. I have friends who give free advice (you get what you pay for), and are often wrong. Now that I know that, I do what you do, that is say, "Oh, thanks, I'll get that/do that," then I do whatever I want. That also is part of the process, we learn to like the person and step aside from the direction of their advice. Another friend advised me to learn to do what he did, that is he also said "Yes, yes," then did whatever he wanted. In the context of an organization that can be an infuriating tactic. I try not to give much advice, having learned the hard way that no one wants it, and no one is going to pay much attention to what an older woman thinks anyway. And I can see for myself that my advice, or my concepts, are not that relevant to people. However, if someone said, "What do you think?" I'm sure I'd have something to say. I'd just have to say it fast enough to get it out there before they interrupted me or walked away.
Since you asked:
A) look for common interests
B) look for your friends’ expertise: people like to shine!😊